Surviving Protracted Withdrawal

Well, it's a learning experience!  I've had some run-ins with exercise recently.  They warn you not to do too much exercise, because it stimulates the release of your old medications from your muscles.  But "too much" is really a variable.  I have learned that for me "too much" is pretty much anything.

I haven't been doing any exercise at all since the withdrawal started at the end of June.  Dizziness is one of my big symptoms, so I just haven't been up to it.  But a few days ago my mom talked me into going for a walk.  After 5 minutes I had to turn back, so I was out for 10 minutes total.  The next day my protracted withdrawal symptoms were absolutely terrible.  But the day after that was really good.

So I decided to try a little yoga instead.  Just a little stretching.  Again, about 24 hours after the exercise the protracted withdrawal hit hardest.  But not as bad as the first time.

I've learned a bit what works for me to reduce the symptoms.  I have been predominantly relying on Total Amino Solutions (TAS), a blend of all the amino acids.  I was taking 4 TAS every 3 hours while awake, and that seemed to be enough to prevent the migraines.  When things got worse from my exercise I upped the dose to 6 TAS every 2 hours.  Sometimes it would give me a bit of relief, sometimes not. 

One thing that was surprisingly useful was to drink more water.  I already drink 8 glasses a day, so I thought I was doing pretty well.  But I found that by forcing myself to drink another 3 or 4 glasses, it really helped with the symptoms.

Truehope Support was surprised that such a short walk would give me symptoms.  They did suggest that I take some TAS before and after the exercise.  I will try this, because I think I will try the yoga again in a day or two.  I am not sure how the extra TAS will help, though, because in both cases the worst of the symptoms hit 24 hours after the exercise.  We'll see.

I suppose it's all a sign of progress, though, that I am interested in exercise at all.  Maybe it would be wisest to just wait until the worst of the protracted withdrawal is over before I start exercising.  If I was having depression or anxiety as a protracted withdrawal symptom I probably would wait.  But while it can be very uncomfortable, it is just physical symptoms, so I think I can handle the increase from a little exercise.  Of course, I was feeling very sorry for myself last night when the symptoms were at their worst.  But it's better now.

Chrysalis

In my earlier post on motivation I wrote about how I've lost the motivation to do my crafts, which used to be a big part of my life.  Since then I've come to the realization that I'm just not interested in them any more.  The same thing has happened with music.  I have a big music collection, but now I never listen to it.  Nowadays I really value silence.  I could listen to the expanding silence for hours, but I don't get that chance much in the city.

I really feel like I'm going through a period of immense change, not just physically with getting off the meds, but in all areas.  I have a strong urge to throw everything away and start from scratch.  I'm of two minds on that still.  On one hand, I think it is true that clearing out the old will make way for new and improved.  It creates stagnant energy in your life to hold onto things.  Yes, the more I think about that the more I like the idea.

But then on the other hand, when I move back into my own place I'm going to need all that stuff.  There is a lot of nice stuff in there.  It would be prudent to keep it.

I guess I can split the difference, and do a little purging.  Really, I bet I could get rid of literally half the stuff I own now and not have my future comfort impacted.  Well, problem solved.

The Story So Far

Of course, the thing about blogs is, that you read them backwards, unless you have been following all along.  So, to spare you going back to the beginning, a recap.

When I first heard about Truehope I had tried to go off my drugs many times, always unsuccessfully.  The slightest reduction in my medications would result in a return of the depression.  But the drugs were killing me, slowly but surely.  My blood sugar had just tested at the pre-diabetic level, a known side effect of the Risperdal I was taking.  My periods had stopped, also due to the Risperdal.  I was incredibly tired all the time.

My mood on my drugs wasn't really that bad, but things were trending down.  I would say I was mildly depressed most of the time.  I had no motivation.  I couldn't concentrate, hadn't read a book in years.  I had a growing social anxiety.  I couldn't handle the smallest stressors.  I spent most of my time on the sofa, not really thinking, just staring into space.  I hadn't worked for 9 years.

So I heard about Truehope and I read about the difficult time many people have with withdrawal from their medications, and I was very worried about facing months of serious depression, but I didn't want to spend the rest of my shortened life on the sofa, so I went for it.

The first four weeks, while I was taking Empowerplus and reducing my meds, were great.  I started this blog to show that it doesn't have to be all that hard to make the transition from drugs to Empowerplus.  Then I took my last dose of Wellbutrin and the withdrawal hit pretty hard.  The blog doesn't really reflect how hard it hit.  I was flattened.  I was asleep in bed all morning and on the sofa all afternoon, with a couple of good hours in the evening.  I was nauseous, hot and cold at the same time, and dizzy.  This lasted about a week and then slowly began to get better.

About a month after I stopped all my meds the protracted withdrawal set in.  Now, over three months into the program, I am still experiencing it.  For me it is mainly manifesting as very low energy and reduced stamina, reduced appetite, headaches which will grow into migraines if I don't take care of them, bizarreness in my sinuses and a constant post nasal drip.  And my sleep schedule is way off -- I fall asleep around 4 or 5 (or later) and sleep until 12 or 1.

But, I have to tell you that I don't mind all this at all.  I have not had one day when I felt depressed since I started Empowerplus.  Since I started the Holy Basil I have not had one day of anxiety.  I am incredibly lucky and grateful.  The physical symptoms I've had are a cakewalk compared to depression.

So, the Empowerplus is working, and I am looking forward to the future.  This blog is a sign of progress, and I am thinking of starting another one.  The dreadful hot and humid days of summer are over, and I always feel more optimistic as the fresh northern breezes start to blow away all the stale air.  It's time to turn my attention to new projects, but I will check in from time to time as new milestones are passed.  Best wishes on your journey of healing!

My Blog is Boring

I've been concerned about this for a few weeks now. I feel I started off strong, but lately have just fallen into reporting symptoms, which is not really that interesting. I'm thinking I'm going to starting commenting on various mental health issues as I find them in life and on the internet. I will still report on my progress on Empowerplus, but lately that just seems to involve sitting around on the sofa, so there is plenty of time to talk about other things. I have some ideas already, so look out for a flurry of posts in the near future. Hopefully things will get a little more exciting around here!

Update Nov 25/09:  I googled "truehope blog" and my blog came up first in the listings (yay), and this post came up right after it!  Yikes!

In fact, this blog has continued to be about my symptoms and observations with withdrawal and Empowerplus.  First, I think that if you are thinking about Empowerplus or are actually starting it also, those symptoms are in fact interesting to you.  I recently read Steve Pavlina's blow by blow account of his raw food trial, which is WAY more detailed than this, and I found it fascinating.  So I do think there is value here.

Second, I found I didn't like the idea of focusing back on mental illness, when I am looking forward to wellness.

Looking back at this post, it seems funny that I was already bored with protracted withdrawal after just 2 weeks!  I see the same thing with new people on the Truehope message boards, and I laugh.

Read on, intrepid readers, read on!

Migraines

I was going to post yesterday, I was feeling really good. So good, in fact, that I slacked off on my protracted withdrawal prevention routine. I'd been taking 4 Total Amino Solutions (TAS) every 3 hours to prevent my protracted withdrawal headache. I cut back to 2 TAS, and in 1 1/2 hours WHAM! -- migraine.

For me a migraine can develop out of a regular headache if I let it go too long. That's what happened last week. I had a headache all week which eventually culminated in a pretty bad migraine. I noticed, though, that when I took all my TAS in the evening to try and sleep the headache got significantly better, so I did eventually realize that it was protracted withdrawal that was causing the headache.

For those of you that are wondering, protracted withdrawal is caused by the release of the psychiatric medications that are stored in the body. It is most active in the 6 months after you stop taking your meds, but it can flare up for years afterwards if you overexert yourself or go on too restrictive a diet.

After the first migraine I went on a strict regimen of 4 TAS every 3 hours, with OTC pain killers added in as needed, and I started feeling pretty good. Protracted withdrawal is no big deal, thought I. The second migraine just shows that I have to remain vigilant.

And I stand by that thought -- with a little bit of care, protracted withdrawal does not seem to be that big a deal. I was really worried, some people have a terrible time with it. But, it seems to be going pretty smoothly for me. Last night I was even thinking about what kind of job I might like after I get better. So things are looking up.

This and That

Nothing major happening, just little signs of healing, I guess.

I did get two more nose bleeds after I posted, so that was 4 in the same 24 hour period. The last one woke me up at 5 in the morning, that was not pleasant. I stopped all my aspirin, Advil and gingko for 24 hours, but then my head was killing me and I had to try some aspirin again. It was not very fun worrying every time I took an aspirin. I did get a little seepage, but no more nose bleeds. I am being more careful with the aspirin and Advil, but at least I am able to take it again. I stopped the gingko.

I got my period, which is big news because in my last year on Risperdal I didn't have one at all, I was hoping for early menopause. But now it is back and I suppose that is good, my body is normalizing again. I had a short but vicious migraine to go with it, I am only grateful that it was gone the next day.

Sleep is still a problem. I went back and tried phosphatidyl choline again, this time 3 capsules, and I was asleep in 20 minutes. But I didn't feel well the next day, I was having depressed thoughts. I know some people get depressed from choline, so I haven't tried it again. I'm up to 12 of the Total Amino Solutions capsules at night, and they get me to sleep around 3. I've ordered some passion flower extract online, that was the last thing Truehope Support could recommend I try. I am trying not to worry about it, because that will just make it worse.

I am so grateful for the cool weather we are having this summer. It is about 3 degrees below normal so far they say, and that has been perfect for me. It is really nice.

I'm losing weight! The nausea is gone and I am eating normally, but I am still losing weight. I've lost 5 lbs so far, which is just nice, moderate weight loss.

So, I may not post as frequently, because not much seems to be going on right now. Just slow and steady healing. It's all good.

Nose Bleeds

Yes, my latest experience is two nose bleeds today. I have never had a nose bleed in my life before. I don't know if it's the Empowerplus or not. I searched the Truehope message boards for nose bleeds, and found one parent of a 6 year old who was having them frequently since coming off his meds. They do say to stop your Empowerplus before surgery to prevent excessive bleeding. It may be that I am getting too much gingko, the Empowerplus has gingko and so does another supplement I take. I should calculate just how much I'm getting. In any case, the nose bleed stops as soon as I put my head back for a couple of minutes, so I don't think it is anything to worry about.

I am back up to 15 Empowerplus capsules per day. I'd been feeling off, not hypomanic exactly but trending that way. Yesterday I decided to go back up to 15, and I felt so much better by the evening -- calm and even. I hoped I might get to sleep earlier, but I didn't, really.

I also added Holy Basil to the mix about a week ago. It is a great herb! It has totally eliminated the anxiety I was having. Every evening I used to start to feel anxious, and I could never figure out why. Now it is just gone! Fantastic.

So, I am still having trouble falling asleep at night, despite all the remedies. But overall, things are going very well. I do not think I have had a day of depression since starting Empowerplus. Sure, some of the physical symptoms have persisted, but I haven't felt down at all. That is really amazing, especially when you consider all the people who are depressed and anxious as part of their withdrawal. I am gradually getting my physical strength back too, so again, it is really going well!