Happy

A problem that I've had ever since my Bipolar II diagnosis is figuring out whether I am hypomanic or just happy.  Most of the times (and they were few and far between) that I thought I was happy in retrospect I realized that I was actually hypomanic.  I am glad to report that has changed.  I have an amazing sense of overall well-being and happiness now that I have not felt for a long, long time.

I used to think that the most I could hope for was peace.  Not too happy, not too sad, just quietly in the middle.  I think a lot of bipolar people think that is the ideal frame of mind.  I don't think it is.  I believe we were born happy, we intended to be happy, and we all can find our way back there.

The happiness I am feeling now is different than hypomania.  My hypomanias had a compulsive nature to them.  I would be obsessed with a project and steamroll anything in my way.  It was a very "doing" state of mind.  My happiness now has more of a "being" quality.  I feel good, but I am not compelled to do things, I can relax and enjoy my surroundings and the things I am doing.  I have a tremendous sense of connection and well-being.  I see things in a positive light and I expect good things.  It is awesome.