Saturday, November 21, 2009

Quiet Mind II

In my very first post I talked about how it felt like this constant noise that I seemed to have in my head had disappeared after a few weeks on Empowerplus.  That relief was the inspiration for this whole blog.

A couple of days ago I realized that the music was gone too!  LOL, that sounds bad, like the zest has gone from my life or something, but actually you'll see that it's really good.  The last couple of years before Empowerplus, when I was on medication, I had this thing where I would hear distant music.  I figured out that it was actually some background noise in the house, usually the furnace fan, and somehow my mind was turning it into music.  It would be all different genres of music, usually classical, but sometimes jazz or even pop music.  Even opera.  It was always very distant, partially heard, and it was really irritating.  I don't know if it was an actual auditory hallucination, per se, because there was a base noise that was somehow being reinterpreted by my mind.

But the cool thing is that it is completely gone now.  Fans are just fans.  And I love the silence.  At night it may be several minutes between cars on the street outside (we live on a fairly busy street) and I like to just rest my attention in the silence between my ears.  It is similar to meditating.  It gives you a very expansive feeling.

I have been trying to start meditating regularly again also.  I have been having a hard time lasting more than 10 minutes though, my mind keeps kicking me out and then I check the time to see how long I managed.  I ordered a kitchen timer shaped like a duck that quacks when the time is up to use for meditating, hopefully it will be funny but not distracting to anticipate.  But that was 5 weeks ago and it's still not here.  Ah, the perils of shopping at small online stores.  They don't keep their stock up to date.  I'm sure I'll get my meditation practice back on track once it arrives, though.