Tuesday, July 7, 2009

Still talking about coffee . . .

. . . I'm sorry to say. The decaf has a bitter aftertaste, and after giving it the old college try I've decided I just don't like it. After wrestling with my demons for a couple of hours, I went to the store to buy some regular coffee. Alas, they didn't have my usual brand, and I debated for a while whether I should take this as a sign that I shouldn't buy any coffee. But I bought it anyway. I had a cup this evening, and the sky hasn't fallen. If I can stick to just one cup a day I think I should be all right.

I am incrementally better again today than I was yesterday, so I am starting to think I am out of the woods for this first round of withdrawal. We have had to cancel our summer vacation plans because there is no way I will be able to drive 4 hours up to the lodge, or do any hiking or other activities when we get there. So that is disappointing, for my parents as well as for me. But next year should be a whole different story, and they agree that ditching the drugs is the right way to go.

So I am thinking optimistically now about protracted withdrawal. Except for the anxiety, all my symptoms with the first round of withdrawal were physical. It is easy to discount the anxiety now that it is gone, but I don't think it was that bad. It didn't keep me up at night or anything. I am very lucky that I haven't had any depression with the withdrawal, because depressed has been my default state for these 10 years or more. So I can see that the Empowerplus is doing some good, even through the trials of withdrawal.