L Tryptophan

Earlier this summer when Total Amino Solution (TAS) started disagreeing with me I wrote about the return of my protracted withdrawal symptoms, and the things that weren't really working for me, but I never came back to say what did work for me.  The answer is pure L tryptophan.

Tryptophan is one of the ingredients in TAS, but on it's own it doesn't bother me the way TAS does.  I also find that I need much less tryptophan.  One 500 mg capsule of Tryptopure tryptophan (I get mine from Life Extension) is enough to significantly reduce my protracted withdrawal symptoms.  It is an amino acid, so I think it does have the same blood cleaning property that TAS or protein powder have.  I also notice that if the protracted withdrawal symptoms are lowering my mood, the tryptophan quickly makes me feel better.

Tryptophan is prescribed as an antidepressant in Europe, and that is how I first used it as well, before I found Empowerplus.  I am not sure how well it was working for that purpose, but I was able to replace the Celexa I was taking with tryptophan.  I was still taking other meds though, Risperdal and Wellbutrin, and the tryptophan was not enough to get me off those as well. 

If I take tryptophan during the day I am sleepier that night, and still groggy the next morning, but it is worth it to be rid of the protracted withdrawal symptoms.  I also find that if I take more than 2 in 48 hours I tend to get a migraine, so I am only using it if really necessary.

In any case it is much more helpful than the bentonite clay or the charcoal, so that is good to know.

Happy

A problem that I've had ever since my Bipolar II diagnosis is figuring out whether I am hypomanic or just happy.  Most of the times (and they were few and far between) that I thought I was happy in retrospect I realized that I was actually hypomanic.  I am glad to report that has changed.  I have an amazing sense of overall well-being and happiness now that I have not felt for a long, long time.

I used to think that the most I could hope for was peace.  Not too happy, not too sad, just quietly in the middle.  I think a lot of bipolar people think that is the ideal frame of mind.  I don't think it is.  I believe we were born happy, we intended to be happy, and we all can find our way back there.

The happiness I am feeling now is different than hypomania.  My hypomanias had a compulsive nature to them.  I would be obsessed with a project and steamroll anything in my way.  It was a very "doing" state of mind.  My happiness now has more of a "being" quality.  I feel good, but I am not compelled to do things, I can relax and enjoy my surroundings and the things I am doing.  I have a tremendous sense of connection and well-being.  I see things in a positive light and I expect good things.  It is awesome.

Significant Improvement

This is just a short post to let you know that I am doing significantly better.  It really seems to me now that the evening primrose oil (EPO) was a big factor in my poorer health last month.  It feels like the haze I was in has lifted.  Yes, we have had a week of cooler weather also, but it has not been any cooler in the house, so I blame the EPO.

One interesting change has been in my appetite.  While I was feeling sick last month I was eating more, and now that I am feeling better my appetite has dropped away again.  It seems counterintuitive, but I guess that given that I am overweight, for me healthy is eating less.  It does seem like my metabolism is working better now, and I have a lot more energy.  Maybe I was eating because I felt tired.  Anyway, it's improvement!

Tweaking the Program

Well, I've been meaning to update you long before this, but frankly, I haven't been doing that great and I'm not sure why.  I can say that while Empowerplus has been great for my mood, it hasn't been a universal fix for all my issues.  I suppose that was unrealistic to hope for.

It's been a tough summer.  It's been unrelentingly hot and humid here, and I've been indoors 99% of the time.  We did go up north for a few days, where it was cool, and that was great, so it's likely that the heat is a large part of my trouble.  Earlier in the summer it did feel like protracted withdrawal, but it doesn't any more.  This seems to be a bumper year for hayfever, which has been surprisingly bad, I've had a cold, a weird stomach bug, and I probably have to get my thyroid tested soon, so things are just off.

I've been doing a trial of Evening Primrose Oil to help with my migraines.  It definitely hasn't helped with them, and I'm not sure if it's been making things worse in general.  With so much going on though, it's hard to say for certain.  I'm giving it up for now, though.

I'm also down to 9 to 11 Empowerplus capsules per day, from the 15 that I took through the first year.  The lower dose just seems to be working better for me now.

I'm not as bad off as last summer.  I've been doing some crafts pretty much every day.  My sociability continues to be much improved.  My mood is a little flat, it's hard to be positive when you're feeling sick all the time, but I'm far from depressed.  I was thinking this morning, I'm 90% of what I want to be, so hopefully that last 10% is just tweaking the program from here.

I can't wait for fall!  9 months of cool weather!

Protracted Withdrawal Symptoms Return

As I mentioned in my last post, I stopped taking the Total Amino Solution (TAS) a few weeks ago due to allergy problems.  This week my protracted withdrawal symptoms have returned.  Like the first time, it started with a runny nose, and graduated to neck pain, nausea and dizziness.  A couple of days ago my musical hallucinations came back temporarily, which is when I realized that things really weren't right.  I was exercising, and it's also been hot and humid here, so those are probably factors as well.

Since I can't take protein powder or TAS, it's been a little difficult to find a way to manage the symptoms.  I'm still trying to eat a fair bit of animal protein, which does give me some temporary relief.  I've also been using activated charcoal capsules and bentonite clay.  The charcoal seemed to help, but I haven't noticed much difference from the clay yet.  I think the problem with those is that they don't really get into the bloodstream to clean out the toxins there.

I've laid off the exercise, and the coffee, and I'm trying to stay cool.  It's not as bad as the first time, but I'm not up to the productivity levels I had a few weeks ago.  I'm not depressed, but I am grumpy.  It's not just that I'm frustrated by being sidelined again, there is definitely a negative cast to my mood.

I will stick with the remedies I can do and wait it out, I guess.  Usually by mid-August the weather turns around here, the days may stay hot but the nights cool off, which is a big relief.  I know other long time Empowerplus users still experience protracted withdrawal occasionally, so this is not totally unexpected.  Still, it is a pain.

A Bump in the Road

Well, a lot has been going on but it was hard to figure out causes and effects so I've waited until now to post an update.  I've been to the doctor twice and the emergency room once, and no one could really figure out what was happening.

It started with having difficulty swallowing.  I thought it was the return of the hyper-allergic state I was in last December, which led me to the emergency room thinking I was having a severe allergic reaction two weeks ago.  It wasn't though, and everybody's best guess was that it was probably a combination of my thyroid on overdrive and a bad reaction to the freezing at the dentist.

As a result I went off all my supplements again as well as my Synthroid.  After about 10 days I am now up to full doses again of my supplements, including Empowerplus.  I have stopped the Synthroid completely however.  I don't think I need it any more, but my doctor and I will monitor my blood levels for a while to see how it shakes out.

I also have stopped taking Total Amino Solution.  That seems to be the main thing that was giving me the allergic-type reaction.  I think this is similar to the problems I was having with the protein powder in the late fall.  They are similar products, after all.

What is amazing is that even though I have stopped the Total Amino Solution, I have not had any return of protracted withdrawal symptoms!  I think I am well and truly clear of it now, which feels great.

In any case, things seems to be back to normal.  And normal these days is pretty darn good, but I will put that in a separate post.

Motivation Returns!

I have to say, my life is pretty awesome right now.  Things are falling into place.  Even when I consider where I was in the last post 3 weeks ago, the change is pretty remarkable.

I have started doing my crafts again!  You may recall that last year at this time I didn't know if I would ever want to make something again.  I started a couple of weeks ago with some hand sewing, and I've slowly been building that up and adding in other crafts so I am busy for several hours each day.

Today was the most surprising day so far, however.  I was looking for a specific top I want online, and I couldn't find anything.  I realized that some tops I already have could be altered to meet my requirements, so I actually cleared off my table, got out the (dusty) sewing machine, planned and executed the alterations (which looked great by the way), and started work on another outfit I've been planning to fix for at least 3 years.

I am NOT hypomanic.  However, I have had some coffee today.  Yes, coffee!  I have been drinking a bit of coffee for the past few days now without any problems.  It definitely gets me moving.

So there are further changes in what is and isn't giving me protracted withdrawal symptoms now.  Coffee finally seems ok in small amounts.  Moderate exercise is ok.  The heat is not bothering me much at all this year.  Direct sun, however, is a problem.  I got stuck in traffic on the way to the dentist last week, about a half hour with the sun beating through the windshield.  I have good air conditioning, but my arms actually got a little burned, and by the time I got to the dentist I had some protracted withdrawal dizziness and nausea.  That was NOT a fun visit.  Usually I don't mind the dentist but that one was tough.

Another awesome thing is that everyone keeps remarking on how much brighter I look now.  Even people who don't know I got off the drugs notice a difference.

But today's accomplishment with the sewing was a real milestone.  I don't think I've successfully sewed anything in over ten years since I first got sick.  I didn't hem and haw and waffle, I just had the idea and did it.  When I was younger I made some of my own clothes.  Who knows what I may be able to do now!